I'm having a hard time trying to manage my work and my home life, and I'm about at the end of my rope with it. Things started getting especially tough about a month ago when we had a gap in day care coverage. I work three days a week, so when I have to stay home one or more of those days, it makes it tough to finish the work that I need to do. For the past several weeks, I've barely been able to get into the office at all:
Week before Christmas - no day care, so my husband and I took turns covering. I got into the office for less than one and a half days total.
Week of Christmas - I took some time off around the holidays and made it into the office for one and a half days that week.
Week of New Year's - because of the holiday and a couple of short transition days at our new day care, I made it to the office one and a half days total.
Second week of Jan - almost back to normal, but I had a doctor's appointment one day, and didn't get into the office until 11:00. I was able to get quite a bit done that week, but it was all catch-up. Meanwhile, new work was still mounting.
This week - this could have been the week where things started to get back to normal, but we had a snow emergency on Monday, thus no day care. This morning (Tues) Emito woke up with a raspy cough and a fever. So now, chances for getting into work tomorrow are iffy.
At this point, I've got so much work backed up that I get nauseous thinking about it. And my enthusiasm for my job is seriously waning. Each day I grow more weary of being pulled in two directions. I have daily fantasies about quitting.
But it's not that easy. It would be hard to give up the paycheck and the automatic contributions to my retirement account, especially since we hope to move to a new house in the next year or two. If I were to quit my job, we might be forced to stay put.
I don't know what to do. Well, one thing I do think about -- and have for a long time -- would be to work for myself somehow, something with my art. It wouldn't be easy though, especially with a toddler at home. And M has never been particularly keen on the idea - mostly because it would mean an indefinite lack of income (on my part, anyway). Not that he's not against the idea entirely, he just wants me to keep my day job while I explore new options. I understand where he's coming from, but with my current schedule, I just don't see that happening. There will always be something else demanding my attention.
BLEH. I hate the feeling of having my feet stuck while my arms are yanked around. I love being a mom, and I treasure my time with Emito. I also want to be creative/productive and contribute to the household finances in some way. I just feel there's got to be a better way. Question is -- Will I ever find it?
